last week I learned the secret of the universe

    So my friend took me along to a pool party at work friend’s apartment last week. She introduced me to the few people she knew, and they were all really welcoming. There was a group of about 6 of us in the hot tub talking and joking.

    One girl, Jamie, brought up that she’d been looking for new shorts, but everywhere was so expensive. I excitedly told her, “Oh my god! There’s totally a sale at Urban right now. My friend, whose favorite position with her current boyfriend is reverse cowgirl, was there yesterday, and she said everything is like 75% off.”

     Jamie looked around, confused. With bug eyes and pursed lips, she asked, “…What? Position as in sex…position?”

    Unfazed, I replied, “Oh? Jamie? Yeah I don’t really get it, because that just doesn’t feel awesome for me. But she’s still really cool. Like if you met her you wouldn’t even know she loved reverse cowgirl.”

      Still perplexed, Jamie rephrased the question hanging on her furrowed brow, “Well like I don’t have anything against…that…but what did you mention it for?”

    I scoffed, “Uh because we are characters in an alternate universe, where everyone’s sexual preferences are used as qualifiers for a person. Like…our purpose is to show why it’s so strange when people in our creator’s world do the same thing, mentioning their ‘gay friend’ in a story where their sexual life is completely irrelevant.”

    Jamie was so on board The Knowledge Train after my excellent, scholarly explanation. She added with bubbly enthusiasm, “Oh! I get it! So, like, we are revealing how an exception is made for non-heterosexual or cis-gendered people on this specific set of social norms, which reveals an ‘othering’ of people in the lgbtq community that occurs in every day discourse.”

    “Exactly! We are basically demonstrating how being compelled to define someone by their sexual preference or gender identity can perpetuate the harmful alienation of individuals. On a macro scale, these types of scenarios are often times the reason that people are afraid to come out as non-heterosexual or make a transition that will make their physical appearance align with their true identity.” I cheerily added. 

A rousing chorus of, "Ohhhhh, ahhhh, ohhhhhh," from everyone in the hot tub slowly drifted into euphonious harmony of understanding and acceptance. 

[Cue double rainbow shooting across background]
[Cue piano music setting tempo with catchy tune]
[The entire party gathers behind me for a musical dance number we all magically know the words to]

[swaying and clapping to the tune of  High School Musical's "All in This Together"]

“Its juuust fucking caaah-mon deeee-sense-eeey
to re-spect pee-pole 

and not fear their diiiii-fferences

“Pleaeese fucking use caaah-mon deeee-sense-eeey.
If you don't, you're a jerk
on the wrong side of hiii-story"

[camera zoom slowly out and up to the heavens]

[Music fades out as last couplet repeats ten times]

         "Please fucking, please fucking, please fucking stop being an arse
           Please fucking, please fucking, please fucking stop being an arse."

[Fade to white]

[Aaaaaand complete fourth wall break. Enter writer using first person point of view]

Hi random people who ended up on this segment of the internet. This is just my little way of releasing some pent up saltiness about the heaps of non-inclusive language I have heard over the past couple weeks.

Do you want to be an arse? If not, join me! Spread the message throughout the lands! Tell people when they classify their friends, family members, and acquaintances unnecessarily, it is plain assholery. Do it kindly though, this could be a first time learning moment. Maybe no one has ever told them they were being a complete turd nugget. Explain the effects of their words and forgive them for the assholery they unwittingly displayed.

Okay y'all, I'm gonna cha-cha slide outta this blog post. See y'all in a kinder future!